Loneliness and Homeschooling: How Do I Find Friends?
Mama, you are important. Your needs are important. Are they more important than your husband or child’s? No. However, they are just as important. When you factor in your energy/emotional/intellectual output and how much your family needs YOU — your needs become very important. Know this.
Jenn’s story: Somebody come and play Our first year homeschooling we knew no one that homeschooled.
My daughter and her best friend
Back in the old days, social media didn’t exist (or no one in our town used it) so I got on blogs and message boards trying to comfort my loneliness. My first grader loved homeschooling but was lonely, too. I was more sad for her than I was for myself. I resolved to help myself if only to help her. There was no playground with dozens of kids to choose from at our house. I had to take charge of finding friends. I called every phone number I could find of homeschoolers and asked if we could set up a play date. People were nice, but busy. Sadly, I spent the rest of the school year listening to her sing the song from Sesame Street “Somebody Come and Play” Her loneliness made mine all the worse. That summer I went to every park day and moms group I could find. It worked. We’d started to find friends and one of those is her best friend to this day.
Relationships Take Time
It takes time to begin relationships, to build them, and to maintain them. It’s a sacrifice of time and effort.
We have to be willing to go outside of our comfort zone. You may get “stuck” (moving, health conditions, family needs) in a stage and need to branch out to new groups. Moving out of our comfort zone is even more challenging for an introverted personality, but it’s worth the effort. YOU are worth the effort.
Where do I find friends?
- use social media, “Hi! I’m new to the area, have 3 kids 10 and under and wonder if there’s a group to make friends?”
- join / visit a homeschool support group
- LeLeche League, Mommy & Me exercise class, park programs for toddlers
- MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)
- library programs
- church (yours or another)
- Park Days
- homeschool group
- MNO (Mom’s Night Out – mom gatherings)
- Co-op or classes for your kids where there is some time for moms to socialize
- YMCA where other moms may work out and have childcare
How to make friends?
- Listen – listen to moms talking to each other and see if there’s one that interests you or may be your new buddy
- Ask for contact information from a prospective friend
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Mom Dates with Cat & Nat
Follow up Contact them and make another time to meet.
- playdate
- park day
- library program
- coffee shop
- Ask “getting to know you” questions – Here are some silly (and good) ones to ask. Reveal a few things about yourself, then ask some more questions.
- If it doesn’t work out with your schedule after a few tries or you don’t “click”, ask someone else.
(Play the video on the right by clicking on the picture)
One mom’s story prayer with action – I remember one day being in a fit of tears because my daughter did not have playmates for her birthday. I felt like a horrible mother that our calendar did not allow time for a regular co-op. I was desperate for friends for my older two. I prayed and prayed that God would show me a way to find friends for her. The next few days were rough because her brother was acting a-fool and throwing tantrums at all of our regular parks/outings. At a last resort I went to a new park at a new playtime. I found what would become my closest friends there.
A fun read to give you courage and inspiration is Can We Be Friends by Rebecca Frech Most people have 3-5 close friends, about 20 additional friends they see regularly, and the rest are acquaintances. “It doesn’t matter how long your list of ‘friends’ is, you can’t maintain relationships with more than 150ish.” That includes spouse, family, and people you keep up with on facebook. In practice the amount of relationships you need varies wildly: by person, stage in life, family size, health, etc. However, Dunbar’s Number Theory, which says we can only have a limited amount of stable relationships, can help you focus your energy on the most essential people – the ones who feed you, fill you, and bring you life — and you do the same for them.
Making friends a balancing act. Different seasons bring different challenges to building relationships. There is not one right way to do friendship. You have to learn what’s right for you. Mama, you are important. Your needs are important. Know this.
